I have to give Sarah high marks for being vulnerable in writing this book. She takes a very honest view of herself and a very honest view of her relationship with God. I picked up this book with the desire to understand how someone in love with God could end up in a position of feeling that they had a "bad break up" experience with the one relationship that provided 'unconditional' love. Yes, I am also a Pastor who works with todays young adults and college students so I was intrigued to read about why Sarah would be headed to become part of the clergy but then took a very big turn, 180 degrees of turn.
The book starts out giving you the background of Sarah's growing up years. This is where I think she is very vulnerable and honest about the problems she faced as a young child and teenager. She was overly concerned with the thought that if she didn't please God that He would bring harm to her family. She was a bit obsessed by them dying because of her sin.
I think that Sarah also was honest about her eating disorder, her view of men, her view of the feminist movement and what she eventually came to believe about God being whatever truth you want Him (or Her) to be. She had a hard time finding a good church until moving to California. She found an Episcopalian church in Pasadena that fit into her thought patterns. They had the same view of liberal issues that Sarah had so she found it comfortable.
Something really good that she found at the church was a faith community that included her, made her part of the family, cared about her and helped her to develop and grow in her social and cultural concerns. The thing that was lacking, at least from my perspective, was a solid foundational growth in Biblical matters, in Theology.
The next part of the book deals with her move to Harvard Divinity School where she will study Theology and seek her M-Div degree so that she can be ordained and become part of the priesthood of the Episcopal church.
This section I found interesting because it showed her progression of understanding about God and how that understanding changed. For me it was an indictment of how liberal Theology causes young people (who have not been grounded in their faith) to question Scripture and it's authority, to question truth and to question, "who is God anyway?"
One very telling point that Sarah makes is that she should have known something was wrong when she showed up at Divinity school and stopped going to church. Here she was training to become a priest, studying Theology, but she stopped going to church during that time. Church was where she had found herself in Pasadena. Church was where she felt at home, at peace, with a family that loved and cared for her.
I think her assessment that the falling apart with God happened when she quit attending church is a very good assessment.
The book made me sad. The reason? Because her is a bright, energetic, socially sensitive and loving young lady who had a bright future ahead of her in her relationship with God but she was derailed by 'teachers' and 'priests' who did not teach her well about Theology, they did not teach her well about her relationship with God, they did not help her understand the deep mystery of who God is. I pray that she can reestablished her first love with the Lord and come to understand that He loves her unconditionally and that it doesn't have to be performance driven.
